As I was sipping mai tai’s by a pool in Mexico and the ladies massaged coconut oil into my skin, Ubi got around to releasing patch 1.2. Although I can read stuff in the patch notes like “new Video Option: Camera Mode,” “All creatures now have a new status (Range)” and the supremely bizzare “Multiplayer now works correctly” it is all pretty vague until I can actually try out the goods when I get home in a few days.

So what is your experience? Is HOMMV getting better and more polished with each patch? Personally, I don’t think this game is going to come anywhere close to achieving its potential until the Map Editor unleashes the power of our collective creativity with patch 1.3.

One thing is definite: until the humidity and 30C+ degree temperatures of the current heatwave in Montreal abates I sure as hell will not be testing a hotseat game with anyone who doesn’t do their gaming in the back of an ice cream truck.

Hola from Mexico. Although I’m doing some research and attending a conference down here this week, I never take a vacation from HOMMV. Other than being unable to play it.

Luckily, Ubi might have a present waiting for me when I return in the form of the 1.2 patch. Although many fine rebels died in leaking the patch notes from a secret underground German source, I will fearlessly link to the Celestial Heavens report on it. Of most interest to me are some nice UI improvements for combat and ¨two new maps¨ that will hopefully be large-scale asymmetrical mutli-player maps so we solo players can really get a feel for what the AI is (in?)capable of. What really made me happy though (is this really true??) was the option of a top-down camera! Yeah the graphics are real purdy, but when I really get into the game I much prefer the option to abstract the map and see the whole picture as I work out different strategies. I’ve long said that HOMMV should work like the map in Galactic Civilizations II which allows you to zoom from a close-up look at detailed 3D graphics all the way out to a conceptual 2D representation of the entire board. This is the perfect solution to keeping the game looking fresh while respecting the inherent value of its old 2D roots.

Hail obsessive-compulsive HOMMinacs! I hope the lack of updates hasn’t made you chew more of your brother’s Ritalin than usual. I’ve been up to my eyeballs in writing my masters thesis and haven’t had much time for much else (well, that is a lie). Of course, this doesn’t mean I’ve actually stopped playing HOMM — just that there no time left to write about it!

That said, we are well overdue for an update from Freeverse so I’ve sent them the usual form letter begging for pertinent information. Map editor? Patch parity? Timeline? Extra goodies? At this point no one knows, but with two or three months under their belt I’m sure Freeverse can throw us a bone.

Actually, I have an idea! You guys are smarter than I am (collectively at least ) so why don’t we hold a group interview? Post your most burning questions for Freeverse, I’ll pick the best ones, and send it off to them as our official Freeverse Interview #2.

The Ubi/Nival alliance continues to fly with about as much understated grace as an awkward pink bird. Contradicting the promises of last week that the first patch will include updated AI, more maps, and a random map generator, Nival confirms that our first patch will now simply include a lot of ?????. Similarly, the map editor release has been pushed August, the random map generator sometime after that, and more maps shall not be known until a mystical bird named “patch two” alights upon our hard drives.

Personally, this doesn’t bother me as much as those who have been transformed into homicidal maniacs by it. Since Eric82 pointed out in the discussion following from my last post that the 20+ multiplayer maps can be customized for play against the AI, I think there is plenty enough HOMMV to chew on for the next couple of months. It just would be nice for Ubi/Nival to get their act together so as to stop misleading the community. Trust is a big part of managing a successful brand, and is a resource rapidly squandered when each week brings fresh contradictions and confusion. It happened during the beta test, it happened with the special editions, and now it’s happening with the patch releases. Honestly, hire a secretary.
The only thing certain at this stage is that Nival has ben paid enough to spend their time fantasizing over a bunch of Russian strippers who, disgustingly, have been paid to dress (and undress) in HOMMV regalia. Ouch…

Hail friends and enemies! Apologies for the long-overdue updates, but I’ve had my head up my arse writing chapter one of my masters thesis in law the last couple of weeks. It’s still not done, but I’m sick enough of it to take a few days off to play the greatly anticipated HOMMV PC release (any excuse will do, won’t it?). If all goes according to my non-linear, non-existent, non-planned plan, I should have some play impressions and any Mac compatibility issues recorded for you by the weekend, and I will be very eager to hear of your adventures in dual-boot hero arse-kicking as well. Over the last little while I’ve also collected my thoughts on the MacIntel dual-boot transition by looking at how the new economic and market conditions effect port jobs like those of Freeverse on HOMMV, so you can look forward to a bit of that. And finally — we have some news of the OSX port itself! Stay tuned, things are about to get interesting.

Then just to round things out, lets get one more “arse” into this post. Ahh, sweet relief that.

Today, dear reader, HOMM•V for OSX! presents a special gift to all the die-hard, naga-blooded, gem-mining, peasant-slaughtering, hardcore fanatics of Heroes of Might and Magic out there. Today we proudly publish King’s Bounty and the HOMM Series: The Past and Future of Game Design. This sucka is big and full of HOMM love. It’s not some pathetic, skinny little gameplay summary like you get at those other websites — oh hell no! This essay is a deep, analytical comparison of King’s Bounty, the historical context in which it was crafted, and its influence on the development of the HOMM series. Our historical analysis is so complete that we end up predicting the future! Now that’s good. And yes, we call Van Caneghem a genius at least three times. Yes, we have lots of big pictures. And yes, its all wonderfully free. So grab a fistfull of Slimjims and a Big Gulp, sit back, relax, and enjoy.

Sometimes people wonder who is at the helm of the HOMMV franchise: an ocelot? A garbage man? Alf? It turns out the answer could be a necromancer. Just take a look at the startling evidence I uncovered from the official website and compare it to Fabrice Cambounet’s profile at Celestial Heavens:

Fabrice

Vayshan

Necromancer Vayshan
Likes to Explore: The souls of slain enemies
Personal Motto: Rape, Pillage, Burn
Favorite Book: The Necronomicon from Army of Darkness
Childhood Dream: Pastry Chef

Producer Fabrice
Likes to explore: The French videogame industry
Personal motto: Dance like no one is watching
Favorite Book: Frank Herbert’s Dune
Childhood dream: Pastry Chef

Wow. See how they both wanted to grow up to be pastry chef’s, but ended up doing something completely different? Notice how they are both pasty white dudes? Notice how Fabrice is quite calmly holding a Bone Dragon in the palm of his hand??

HOMMV is being produced by the undead.

Hopefully this means cheaper Bone Dragons.